If your child is imagining monsters under the bed or becoming afraid of shadows, sleep can be elusive. No matter how far-fetched their worries may sound, their feelings are real. It can be tempting to dismiss such fears as ‘silly’, especially when you are tired yourself and want the day to be done, but taking the time to listen will help your child feel heard, understood and less alone.
Your child may want you to ‘check’ that they are safe, but searching under the bed can suggest there might actually be something there. Instead, offer calm reassurance that monsters and other imaginary fears do not exist in real life and your child can let that worry go.
When children are scared, their bodies often tense, making relaxation harder. Encourage slow, deep breaths, a long hug or a gentle story to help them relax and emotionally regulate.
Does tonight sound like this?
Children don't always say, “I'm scared” or “What if it gets me in the night?” Instead, their feelings may be hidden behind clinginess or bodily sensations.
Your child might say:
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“My tummy feels funny.”
The wobbly feelingWhen worries or fears are present, children may notice them in their bodies before they can put them into words.
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“I'm not tired.”
The scary feelingTheir body might be tense and on high alert because they fear there is something in their room, making it hard for them to relax.
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“Don't go.”
The worried feelingThey may feel unsafe and want you nearby to protect them from their imaginary fear.
Listening for the feeling underneath your child's words can help them feel understood, reassured and less alone.
Why fears show up at bedtime
Bedtime is often the quietest, darkest and stillest part of the day, giving fears more room to appear. When children are tired, emotions feel bigger and their imagination grows. Bedtime fears are normal, but still very upsetting.
At 2–3 years old, these fears may show as clinginess, with your child not wanting you to leave. Around 4–5, their imagination becomes more vivid, and shadows, noises or imaginary creatures may feel frightening. By 5–6, children can often put their fears into words. They may ask if monsters are real, whether someone could get into the house, or where you will be to keep them safe.
The behaviour changes as children grow, but the feeling underneath is often the same: “I'm scared and I need to know I'm safe.”
What helps tonight
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Be mindful about what your child reads or watches
Many children's stories and TV shows feature scary creatures or situations. Young children may replay these images at bedtime without understanding whether they are real or imaginary. Choose gentle, reassuring stories and programmes instead, especially during the afternoon and evening.
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Validate your child's feelings
Give your child time to talk about their fears and let them hear you understand and accept their feelings. It is important, though, to avoid agreeing that the imaginary fear is real.
You could say: “It sounds like you're feeling scared. Monsters aren't real though, and you are safe.”
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Create a comforting bedtime environment
A little night light, soothing music or a gentle story can give your child something reassuring and distracting to focus on when shadows or sounds feel scary.
Where this comes from. Night-time fears are very common. Research has found that 73% of children aged 4–12 experience fears at night, with younger children particularly likely to worry about imaginary creatures such as monsters — Children's nighttime fears: parent-child ratings of frequency, content, origins, coping behaviors and severity.