How to help your child with worries at bedtime

Does tonight sound like this?

Sometimes children don't say, "I'm worried" or "I'm feeling overwhelmed." Instead, their feelings come out through the words they choose, the questions they ask, or the sensations they notice in their bodies.

Your child might say:

• "My tummy feels funny."

  The wobbly feeling

  Their worry is showing up in their body, looking for somewhere to go. Children often feel emotions physically before they have the words to explain them.

• "What if something goes wrong?"

  The worried feeling

  Their mind is trying to prepare for something uncertain, searching for reassurance and safety.

• "Something went wrong today."

  The heavy feeling

  The day has been tricky, and now that everything is quiet, those feelings have space to come forward.

Listening for the feeling underneath your child's words will help them feel understood.

Why worry shows up at bedtime

It is normal for worries to come to the surface at bedtime, no matter what a child's age and stage.

Bedtime is usually the first genuinely quiet point in a child's day. While there's noise — school, snacks, siblings, screens — the worry can stay pushed down. When the noise stops, there's room for it to surface. It is also often a calm one-to-one time when they have their grown-up's undivided attention and presence, so it can feel like the right time to share something that may feel private.

As children become tired, the part of the brain responsible for planning, reasoning and problem-solving becomes less efficient. At the same time, emotions can feel stronger, making everyday worries seem much bigger than they actually are.

At two or three it looks like clinginess. At four or five it might look like task-finding — one more wee, one more drink, one more thing to tell you. By five or six it sounds like real questions about tomorrow. The behaviour may be different, but the feelings underneath are the same.

What helps tonight

When your child is worried at bedtime, you don't need to solve everything before they fall asleep. A few simple, reassuring steps can help them feel safe enough to let go of their worries for the night.

1. Listen, name the worry, then make a plan

   Start by letting your child know you've heard them and understand how they're feeling. Simply feeling heard can make a worry feel lighter. Once they've shared what's on their mind, reassure them that you'll think about it together tomorrow, when you're both rested and able to find a solution. This helps them "park" the worry rather than carrying it into sleep.

   You could say: "I can see that's worrying you. Thank you for telling me. Let's think about it together tomorrow morning when we're both feeling fresh."

2. Reassure without feeding the worry

   Your child's feelings are always real, even if the worry itself isn't. Respond with warmth and reassurance, rather than trying to argue them out of how they feel. If the worry is about a real-life problem, let them know you'll help them deal with it tomorrow. If it's an imaginary fear, offer calm confidence instead of joining in with the worry.

   You could say: "That can't happen. You're safe. I'm right here with you."

   Try to avoid checking under the bed for monsters or looking out of the window to prove nothing is there. Although it feels reassuring in the moment, it can unintentionally send the message that there really might be something to find.

3. Give their mind somewhere gentle to go

   An anxious mind doesn't simply switch off. If the room becomes quiet and your child is left alone with their thoughts, worries can quickly fill the space. A soothing bedtime story gives their imagination somewhere calmer, kinder and more comforting to wander instead.

   The violet wind-down phase on the clock gently marks the transition into sleep, so you don't have to be the timekeeper. You can simply enjoy the story together and let the routine do the work of helping your child settle.