Discomfort

How to help your uncomfortable child at bedtime

Strategies to help a child settle when their body doesn't feel right

Written by Becky Goddard-Hill, BACP-registered psychotherapist

When a child feels unwell, or is physically restless or uncomfortable, bedtime can be difficult. As the distractions of the day disappear, they become increasingly aware of their body and how it feels, and this can become their focus. They may not want you to leave, and they may become upset.

Attending to their physical discomfort through appropriate care and comfort can make a big difference — but so can helping them feel calmer in their mind.

The body and mind are intrinsically linked, and both may need your support to feel more comfortable and relaxed.

Does tonight sound like this?

A child cannot always name exactly how they feel.

Your child might say:

  • “I don't feel okay.” “I can't go to sleep.”

    The frustrated feeling

    Their body feels ‘wrong’ and they just cannot get comfortable.

  • “I'm not tired.”

    The restless feeling

    It's not that they aren't actually tired, but the discomfort they feel means it is hard to relax into sleep.

Why discomfort shows up at bedtime

When the day is done and the distractions are over, your child has more time to notice how their body feels. Without other things to focus on, physical discomfort, restlessness or feeling unwell may become more noticeable to them.

Being tired can also make it harder for them to cope with discomfort, so they may become more restless, irritable or upset at bedtime.

At 2–3, this might look like clinginess, tears or repeatedly asking for comfort. At 4–5, it might look like asking you not to leave, saying they don't feel well, or needing extra reassurance. At 5–6, they may be more able to tell you exactly what feels wrong, or describe where they feel uncomfortable.

What helps tonight

  1. Listen when they tell you how uncomfortable or unwell they feel

    It may sound like an excuse to keep you a while longer and delay bedtime, but your child may genuinely feel unwell and need some extra support or comfort. Taking them seriously will reassure them and help them feel cared for.

  2. Make sure they are physically comfortable

    Check whether they are thirsty, too hot or cold, snuggly in their PJs, or whether they need you to adjust something for them. If they are holding a lot of tension in their body, a gentle massage can help.

  3. Try the birthday-candle breathing game

    Hold up the same number of fingers as your child's age and ask them to imagine they are candles on their birthday cake. Have them breathe in slowly through their nose, then blow out each candle slowly through their mouth. This will help steady their breathing, and in turn help them relax.

Where this comes from. Visualisation for children, also known as guided imagery, uses imagination to help children relax and focus. The American Academy of Pediatrics reviewed it alongside other mind–body approaches and found evidence for its use in easing stress, anxiety and pain in children — Mind-Body Therapies in Children and Youth, Pediatrics (2016).

People also ask

How can I help my child relax their body before sleep?

Yoga, a warm bath, gentle massage, breathing exercises and a reassuring hug can all help your child relax their body before bedtime. These calming activities may help ease physical tension and prepare their body for sleep.

My child is physically restless before bed. What can help?

Make the move from activity to bedtime gradual. A quiet walk with you around the block, some simple tai chi moves or stretching exercises can all help your child move from active to calm, while releasing some much-needed pent-up energy before bed.

What should I do if my child says they feel ill at bedtime?

Take them seriously. Once you have addressed any obvious discomfort and checked things over, stay calm and help them find comfort in their usual bedtime routine.

If they continue to seem unwell, or you are concerned, always seek appropriate medical advice.

How can I tell if my child is really feeling ill or just wants to delay going to bed?

The honest answer is that you can't. They may be experiencing either, or both. Once you have checked things over, offer comfort and the reassurance that you have heard them, then carry on with your usual routine.

If they continue to seem unwell, or you are worried about their symptoms, seek appropriate medical advice.

Can visualisation help a child who feels uncomfortable or unwell at bedtime?

Yes, it can be a really useful way to soothe an uncomfortable or restless child. Encourage them to imagine somewhere cosy and peaceful, using their senses to picture what they can see, hear and feel. Younger children may need you to guide them through this as they close their eyes and create pictures in their mind.

You could say: “Imagine you are lying on soft, springy green grass on a sunny day. You are watching the white clouds float across the blue sky, feeling a gentle breeze on your face and hearing the birds singing.”

Written for Zeepy by Becky Goddard-Hill, BACP-registered psychotherapist.This page is general guidance, not a substitute for advice about your own child.