Overexcitement

How to help an overexcited child settle at bedtime

Tips and tricks to help an overstimulated child relax

Written by Becky Goddard-Hill, BACP-registered psychotherapist

A child who is over-excited might be loud, talkative and highly active. Their excitement can be fun to see in the daytime, but when it's time for bed it can look like naughty behaviour. It isn't. They are overstimulated and their nervous system is overloaded. As a parent, this can feel exhausting, and you may feel wound up too.

Take some deep breaths and a few minutes of quiet time yourself, so you stay calm when dealing with a highly excited child.

A low-stimulation environment — screens off an hour before bed, low lights, quiet voices — will help change their state as they transition towards sleep. The familiar, predictable structure of their bedtime routine provides a mental cue that the day is done and it is time to wind down. Sensory regulation can be supported through warm baths, breathing exercises, or light massage to release tension and lower their heart rate.

Telling them to calm down is not going to have much impact, but there is a lot you can do to help, through structure, low stimulation and sensory regulation.

Does tonight sound like this?

Your child might say:

  • “Everything is too loud.” “I can't calm down.” “I'm too excited.”

    The too-much feeling

    Your child may be full of excited anticipation for a special occasion the next day, or still buzzing with energy from the day they have just had. When their nervous system is hyper-aroused, it can feel impossible for them to switch off.

Why overexcitement shows up at bedtime

Young children often have big emotions, and it is very normal for them to get extremely excited about special occasions.

If they have had an exciting day, they may not want it to end by going to sleep. If the exciting day is tomorrow, bedtime means it is getting closer — which is energising in itself. The overexcitement may have been around for hours, but it is much more visible when you are asking them to be quiet and settle into sleep.

At their young age, emotional regulation is not easy, and they are going to need your help. With a two or three year old it may look like running around, giggling or having a meltdown. At 4–5 it may look like endless chatter and delaying tactics. At 5–6 it might look like restlessness and lots of questions about the main event.

What helps tonight

  1. Co-regulate by staying calm

    When your child is too excited to sleep, keep your voice quiet, your pace steady and your instructions boringly predictable. Your child will naturally match your rhythm.

    You could say: “Let's focus on bedtime now and do what we always do.”

  2. Try star breathing

    Have your child hold up one hand with fingers spread wide like a star. Slowly trace up their thumb as they breathe in, and down the other side as they breathe out. Continue for all five fingers. These deep breaths slow their heart rate, bringing their buzzy brain back to the present moment.

  3. Address hidden worries

    Behind excitement can lie hidden anxieties, like “What if it rains on my party?” Give a little time to answer their questions, offer quick reassurance, and move swiftly back into your routine. Leave an audio story playing so their mind doesn't drift back to racing thoughts when the room goes quiet.

Where this comes from. More on grounding exercises, and how they help when you or your child are overwhelmed or overstimulated — Breathing and grounding exercises, Best for You.

People also ask

What should we do the night before Christmas or a birthday, when the excitement is simply unavoidable?

Acknowledge the excitement, but explain that everything is more fun when you have had a good night's sleep. Take them to bed at the same time as usual and do what you always do. Regular routines will steady your child with their predictability.

Should I avoid bath times if it makes my child more stimulated?

Rather than avoiding them entirely, keep them shorter and bring them forward earlier into the evening, so your child has time to cool down before bed.

How do I handle my own frustration when I am exhausted and just want them to go to sleep?

Do as much as you can in advance and delegate tasks where possible. If you are irritable and rushing, your child will pick up on this — they take their cues from you. Try a quick grounding exercise yourself before bedtime, and fake it till you make it if you have to. Emotions can be catching, and you want them to catch your calm.

Can they have sweet treats before bed, as it's a special occasion?

Do be mindful of what they eat in the hour before bed, especially on special occasions. Sugary snacks close to bedtime can leave a child wired at exactly the point you want them winding down.

Milk and bananas are gentler alternatives. Milk contains tryptophan, an amino acid the body uses to make serotonin and melatonin, both of which help with sleep. Bananas contain magnesium and potassium, which support muscle relaxation, along with a little tryptophan and vitamin B6.

What if they keep getting out of bed or calling me back to tell me one more thing?

Be boringly predictable and don't revisit the conversation.

You could say: “I love you, but it's sleep time now,” in a quiet and calm voice, until they are as bored as you are.

Written for Zeepy by Becky Goddard-Hill, BACP-registered psychotherapist.This page is general guidance, not a substitute for advice about your own child.