FOMO

How to help a child sleep when they have FOMO

If bedtime feels like missing out, here's how to help your child settle.

Written by Becky Goddard-Hill, BACP-registered psychotherapist

It can be hard to be the youngest in the family, knowing everyone else is still up, together, having fun while you are expected to go to sleep. The child who doesn't want to go to sleep because of FOMO is clearly a child who enjoys their family. Lovely in theory, but it can make bedtime stressful for you, the grown-up, and for your child.

It helps children to understand why they need their sleep, and how all that good rest and relaxation will lead to them having lots of energy tomorrow. It's useful to talk to them about this so they understand why they need to go to bed.

Try to make their bedtime routine so lovely that they warmly welcome it, rather than being over-focused on what you are up to.

Does tonight sound like this?

Your child may look exhausted but still insist they aren't. They may not say they have FOMO, but instead insist they are not sleepy, despite their words and actions contradicting this.

Your child might say:

  • “I'm NOT tired.” (while rubbing their eyes)

    The tired-but-not-stopping feeling

    Very common among younger children — and their body language gives them away every time.

    You could say: “You may not feel tired, but your body and brain need to rest now so you feel amazing tomorrow.”

  • “Why can't I stay up too?”

    The left-out feeling

    This can be strong when they are the only one for whom the day has come to an end.

    You could say: “I know it can feel unfair when everyone else is still up, but it's your bedtime — and the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner it will be tomorrow and the fun can start again.”

Why FOMO shows up at bedtime

FOMO shows up at bedtime because it is the one time of the day when your child is separated from what everyone else is doing and is alone. It's totally normal for them to wonder if the fun activities are going to carry on without them. If it seems like everyone else is still together downstairs, a child in bed upstairs may also feel like they are missing out on being with the people they love, who are still all together.

At 2–3, this may look like clinginess or separation anxiety. At 4–5, it may look like bedtime avoidance and tears. At 5–6, it might sound like complaints that it's not fair and repeated requests to be allowed to stay up later.

What helps tonight

  1. It helps to keep to clear boundaries with your child so they know complaints or clinginess will not extend their bedtime. A set bedtime and routine will ensure this becomes both familiar and comfortable.

  2. Be boring. If your child asks what you will be doing after they go to bed, explain that you have the dishwasher to empty and the cat litter tray to clean — they are less likely to want to stay up for dull chores.

  3. Give them a bedtime to look forward to. Let them choose a great bedtime story, a cuddle or a song — or all three. Make it a lovely end to the day and it will become something to look forward to, rather than just the time the fun ends.

Where this comes from. A study of 10,085 children under five found that consistent bedtimes and bedtime routines were associated with fewer parent-perceived sleep problems and fewer wake-time behaviour problems — Bedtime Routines for Young Children: A Dose-Dependent Association with Sleep Outcomes, SLEEP.

People also ask

Why does my child constantly ask to stay up later?

Children get a classic case of FOMO at bedtime and don't want to miss out on all the fun. It helps to remind them that the next day will also be full of fun, and that you have lots of boring things to get on with now they have gone to bed.

Should I let my child stay up later on special occasions?

Family parties, holidays or Grandma coming to stay can be exciting occasions when you choose to let your child stay up later. Just remember that tired children can be grumpy both later that evening and the following day, so plan accordingly. An extended bedtime may also lead to requests to stay up later on other nights, so be clear about why this is a special occasion.

What should I say if my child says it's not fair they have to go to bed first?

Acknowledge how they feel, but assure them they aren't missing anything important — it's time for them to sleep, and tomorrow the fun will start again. You could also explain that little people need more sleep than grown-ups because they have lots of growing to do. Children love to know why.

Why does my child say they aren't tired when they clearly are?

They do this because they think that if they deny being tired, they won't have to go to bed. Stick to your routine and timings regardless; their bodies are used to it, and once the routine starts and they are snuggled in bed with a lovely story, they will realise that they are a little sleepy after all.

Should I just let my child stay up with us to avoid arguments?

No. Busy parents need time to wind down in the evening without their child always there, and children need plenty of sleep. This is an important boundary to hold for all your sakes. Take the long view: giving in to late bedtimes to avoid arguing means this will become a recurrent issue.

Written for Zeepy by Becky Goddard-Hill, BACP-registered psychotherapist.This page is general guidance, not a substitute for advice about your own child.